What I'm Learning About Motivation, Resistance, and Readiness

I’m halfway through a 20-week program to become a National Board-Certified Health & Wellness Coach, and I’m feeling both overwhelmed and inspired by everything we’re learning.

Physical health has always been important to me, and a core value instilled in me since childhood. Before starting the program, I felt like I knew a lot about healthy living, but I've been humbled by how much more there is to learn.

We Know What to Do—So Why Don’t We Do It?

One of the most fascinating aspects of the program has been the psychology of change. As I coach more people, I’m noticing a pattern: most of us already know what we want to change in our lives. Many of us even know how to make those changes. And yet… we don’t do them.

The psychology of motivation and behavior change is endlessly fascinating—and deeply human. It also applies to every area of our lives.

One model we’ve studied is Prochaska’s Stages of Change, which outlines five (sometimes six) phases people move through on the path to change: pre-contemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, and maintenance, with some models adding a final stage, termination.

1. Pre-Contemplation: “I Can’t” or “I Won’t”

In this stage, there’s no intention to change anytime soon. Sometimes it’s denial—we don’t think there’s a problem. Other times, the pain of change still outweighs the payoff. We might hear or say things like: “I can’t because,” or “It’s not that bad.”

External voices might be urging change, but internally, we’re not there yet.

2. Contemplation: “I Might”

Here, we know something needs to shift. We’re aware of the issue but feel ambivalent. We want to go to the gym—but we also want to binge White Lotus. We want to cut back on drinking—but we also want that evening glass of wine to take the edge off a stressful day.

This is where many people get stuck. For days. Months. Even years. Having a coach can be incredibly helpful in this stage—not to push you, but to help you hear yourself more clearly and connect with your intrinsic desire to change.

If you’re feeling stuck in contemplation, try journaling about:

• What is the benefit of making this change?

• What is the cost of staying the same?

• If nothing changes, where will I be in a year?

Sometimes we just need a moment of clarity—a quiet knowing, an inner shift. I remember being in a toxic relationship in my early twenties. I knew I needed to leave but couldn’t. One day, my therapist said, “You’re a smart, strong woman. You’ll leave when you’re ready.” And not long after, I did.

3. Preparation: Planning to Follow Through

This is where we start turning intention into commitment. We gather information, make decisions, and set ourselves up for success—physically, mentally, and logistically. We’re not in action yet, but we’re laying the foundation.

Preparation might look like:

• Researching local yoga or fitness studios

• Downloading a wellness app or signing up for ClassPass

• Buying new running shoes

• Clearing out the pantry (or giving your liquor stash to a trusted friend)

• Creating a calendar or program for your new habit (e.g., a couch-to-5K schedule or a 30-day yoga plan)

• Booking classes in advance to hold yourself accountable

• Talking to a partner or friend about your goals so they can support you

• Setting up your environment for success, like putting your journal on your nightstand or filling your fridge with healthy snacks

• Writing down why this change matters to you

Preparation is powerful—but too often skipped. Studies show that more than 50% of people who leap into action without this step relapse within 3 weeks. Slow down here. This is where your why meets your how.

4. Action: Doing the Thing (Even Imperfectly)

This is where we actually do the thing: show up to class, journal in the morning, choose soda water over wine at dinner. We still mess up—we're human—but we return to our intention and resume the good habits. That, too, is action.

For example, my husband and I end most nights with an espresso cup-sized adaptogenic mushroom cacao blend by Goot. It’s our healthy treat at the end of the day—a ritual we both enjoy instead of wine or sugary snacks. But we'll also have a scoop of ice cream when we visit my teen stepdaughter at the ice cream shop she works at. The point is, we come back to our rhythm quickly. That’s the key.

5. Maintenance: When It Becomes Who You Are

This stage usually sets in after six months of consistent action. Your new behavior is part of your life now. You might:

• Automatically reach for your journal each morning

• Celebrate your 100th barre class

• Feel totally off when you skip a ritual that now grounds you

If you slip, that’s okay. You already know the way back.

Helping others at this point—whether by mentoring, sharing, or becoming a coach or teacher—often helps us stay in maintenance mode.

6. Termination: No Going Back

This final stage is when there’s no longer any temptation. Your old behavior feels like someone else’s story.

For example, I can’t imagine going to bed without washing my face today. But in my early twenties? Let’s just say raccoon eyes and regret were frequent morning visitors.

Someone who used to smoke might now find the smell of cigarettes repulsive and feel disbelief that it was ever a daily habit. Or someone who used to drink at every social event might now sit comfortably at a bar with bitters and soda, not even tempted by the wine list.

This stage is less about discipline and more about identity. You’re not someone who’s “trying to quit.” You’re someone who simply doesn’t do that anymore.

It’s Not Linear—It’s a Spiral

What I love most about this model is its honesty. Change isn’t linear. It’s not clean. It’s often a spiral—an upward one, if we let it be.

You might revisit contemplation a dozen times before moving into action. You might prepare, act, relapse, and prepare again.

And if you do, remember: you’re not failing. You’re learning. And if you keep going—gently, steadily—you’ll get where you want to go.

Soullo Reflections: Journal Prompts for Self-Awareness + Growth

• What’s something you’ve been wanting to change in your life?

• Which stage of change are you currently in?

• What would it take for you to move one step forward?

• If you stayed exactly where you are now, what might your life look like in 6 months? In 5 years?

• What small act of preparation could you do today?

• Who could support or encourage you in this journey?

• What has helped you make lasting change in the past? Can you bring more of that in now?